The Quest Resumes
by Angus MacSpon
Summary: What do The Lord of the Rings and Ranma have in common? Nothing, really. Unless...


... Frodo gave a cry, and there he was, fallen upon his knees at the  
chasm's edge. But Gollum, dancing like a mad thing, held aloft the  
ring, a finger still thrust within its circle. It shone now as if  
verily it was wrought of living flame.  
  
"Precious, precious, precious!" Gollum cried. "My Precious! O my  
Precious!" And with that, even as his eyes were lifted up to gloat on  
his prize, he stepped too far, toppled, wavered for a moment on the  
brink, and then with a shriek he fell. Out of the depths came his last  
wail _Precious_, and he was gone.  
  
At that moment, there was a solar flare, or something.  
  
Several hundred metres down in the chasm, Gollum struck an outcropping,  
bounced, bounced again, and finally smacked down on a heap of smoking  
ash, right next to a pool of boiling lava. He suffocated in short  
order. The ring was left buried.  
  
The Dark Lord Sauron was not destroyed. But with the One Ring returned  
to the place of its making, pretty nearly, the greater part of his power  
was lost, and he was much reduced. His forces wavered and were defeated  
by the hosts of Gondor. Sauron fled from Barad-dur and roamed the world  
thenceforth, wreaking petty mischief wherever he went. In time, he  
became rather eccentric.  
  
In Gondor, nobody knew that the Ring had not been destroyed. Aragorn  
was crowned King. The hobbits went home.  
  
Centuries passed ...  
  
  
------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
"The Quest Resumes"  
by Angus MacSpon  
  
Based on characters and situations created by J R R Tolkien and  
Rumiko Takahashi.  
  
------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
  
It was a peaceful day at the Tendou Dojo. Kasumi was in the kitchen,  
humming happily. Happousai was ironing his collection of panties, also  
humming happily. Nabiki was listening to the radio, trying to ignore  
all the damn happy humming.  
  
A special news report came on. "And new discoveries were announced  
today by the team excavating under Mount Fuji. The team, sponsored by  
the government's Department for Excavating Under Holy Mountains, stated  
that they had found a slightly singed gold ring, embedded in a pile of  
petrified ash. When asked to explain how the ring could have gotten  
there, the team leader said, 'Who knows? But I've got first dibs on any  
finder's fee.'"  
  
Happousai looked up quickly. "Gold ring?" he said, astonished. "They  
_found_ it?" An look of unholy glee appeared on his face. "At last!  
I'm coming, my pretty!" He sprang up and raced out of the room.   
Seconds later he raced back in, turned off the iron, and snatched up his  
pile of panties. "Can't just leave you lying around, can I, my dears?"  
he muttered.  
  
He stared at the underwear in his arms, and then across at the radio.   
"Ring or panties? Ring or panties?" he dithered. "How can I choose  
between them? Ah! I know! I must have them _both_!"  
  
He raced into his room, carrying the panties with him. "Gonna need some  
help for this one," he said to himself, rummaging through a pile of  
junk. "Now, let's see. Where did I leave them? Ah! Here we are.   
'Nine for mortal men doomed to die ...' One, two, three, four, five,  
six, seven, eight ... hey, where's the ninth damn ring? Oh, well, too  
bad. Now, which suckers should I pass them off to this time?"  
  
The answer didn't take much thought at all, really.  
  
  
---------------  
  
  
"Truly, it is elegant, and well-suited to one of such stature as  
myself," mused Kunou, admiring the ring. "But I fail to see why you  
would offer it to me, ancient one."  
  
"Indeed, most charming," murmured Kodachi, "though I suspect that a rose  
design would have been more appropriate. But for once in his life, my  
brother has a good point. What's the catch, old pervert?"  
  
"There's so little trust in the world today," mourned Happousai. A look  
of cunning came into his eyes. "Tatewaki, m'boy, I've long been holding  
that ring in trust for the, er, the most noble youth in Tokyo. You  
obviously qualify." Kunou preened visibly and put his ring on without  
hesitation. Instantly he stiffened, his eyes rolling strangely. Well,  
more strangely.  
  
"And you, Kodachi my dear, just think -- this ring has certain magic  
powers that will give you a clear advantage over all the other suitors  
for Ranma's hand!"  
  
Kodachi raised her eyebrows. "Oh? Why didn't you say so?" she snapped.  
Then she hesitated again. "But still, why are you offering it to --"  
  
"Oh, for heaven's sake." Happousai goosed her, snatched the ring while  
she was squawking, and jammed it on her finger. She, too stiffened.  
  
After a few moments, both siblings came out of their trances. "Come,  
sister," ordered Kunou. "For some reason, I feel an inexplicable urge  
to don black robes."  
  
"Hai." Wearing slightly glazed expressions, the two tottered away.  
  
  
---------------  
  
  
Meanwhile, in China --  
  
"Where am I _now_?" demanded Ryouga.  
  
"Oh, sir, you come to ancient legendary training ground of cursed springs,"  
burbled the Guide. "Each spring have own oh-so-tragic legend -- oh! Wait!  
Sir has been here before! We get so little return business --"  
  
"Jusenkyo? I've gotten back here? Great!" gloated Ryouga. "Now, I'll  
be cured at last! Then just watch out, Ranma! I can't wait to see the  
look on his eyes next time he tries to call me 'Pig-boy' ..."  
  
"Oh, you want to find Nannichuan sir? Right this way," said the Guide.  
  
As he led the Lost Boy out among the springs, the Guide wondered what to  
turn him into this time. What nobody who came here realised was that  
the springs weren't cursed at all. The Guide was simply the latest in a  
long line of sorcerers. Sorcerers with senses of humour. (The family  
legend was that they were descended from a pair of blue wizards who'd  
come this way a long time before, but really, who believed that stuff?)  
  
Picking a pool at random, he said, "Here is Nannichuan, sir, spring of  
drowned man. You jump in, be man again."  
  
Ryouga dropped his pack and took a mighty leap. The Guide waited until  
he was in mid-air before shouting, "No! No, sir, I make mistake! This  
not Nannichuan! You not jump, sir!" He just had time to enjoy Ryouga's  
horrified expression before the boy hit the water.  
  
Carefully wiping the grin off his face, the Guide thought about what to  
make the boy. Hmm, how about something from the book he'd been reading?  
That could be fun. He concentrated for a moment.  
  
Ryouga broke the surface, then looked down at himself in horror. "Oh,  
sir," the Guide told him sadly. "So sad. You fall in spring of drowned  
hobbit. Very tragic legend of hobbit who drown here two thousand six  
hundred year ago."  
  
"H-h-h-h-hob-hob-hobbit?" stuttered Ryouga.  
  
"Ancient legend say, hobbit must find special ring and throw into  
volcano. Is only way to break curse. Very strange legend, I thinking."  
The Guide wondered how much more of this he'd be able to get through  
before cracking up.  
  
An entirely new horror spread itself across Ryouga's face. "You mean  
I've ... I've got to _find_ somthing?" he said ...  
  
  
Probably not to be continued. 


End file.
